Monday, July 10, 2006

Handling Rejection

Fear of rejection is one of the greatest fears shared by all human beings. Nobody wants to feel left out, unwanted or unliked.
And at the same time what we really want is to be loved and accepted by everyone - that would be bliss but it will never happen because we all have biases,opinions and beliefs that colorthe way we look at the world.Some people will reject us no matter how good we look, no matter how successful we are, and no matter how giving we are. If wewere to become even nicer, and even more spiritually aware theywould still reject us so it is a pointless battle trying to win over everyone.

However we can change how we think about rejection. If we change
the meaning of rejection it can become our ally instead of our
enemy. Next time someone rejects you why not take it as feedback
instead. That is, your approach did not work and you need to try
a new approach. In sales,for example, the salesperson must view rejection as
feedback or else she will slowly go insane!

So let us view rejection as feedback. When you are rejected
immediately set your mind the task of intelligently answering
this question - how must I change my approach to get what I want?
By doing this, you shift your attention back to what you can do
and off the other person whose approval is theirs to give or not
to give.

You may not realize, most people just give up too easily
because rejection feels so unpleasant. If you reframe rejection
to mean feedback it becomes a mental puzzle to solve instead.
You will then be able to endure the word *No* a lot longer. This
endurance will also encourage others to let you have what you
want because you just do not seem to take No for an answer!

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13 comments:

Darius said...

I guess a lot depends on the situation too. As you say, if you work in sales, for example, you need to look at it as feedback to improve your sales ability.

On the other hand, in interpersonal relations, sometimes you need to NOT look at it as feedback - to realize that people can have a negative attitude toward you where it really is THEIR problem, so that you don't worry about it.

Keshi said...

**Next time someone rejects you why not take it as feedback
instead.

thats such a great view of rejection. Thanks for that..it really enlightened me.

Keshi.

Ekta said...

*So let us view rejection as feedback*
Hey well thats a nice way of putting it..unfortunately most of us may still find it difficult to handle this --guess one needs to really be mature to be able to look at it as feedback and see it as a way of improving ourselves!

samuru999 said...

Some really great ideas here.
Very insightful
Thanks.

Cinderella said...

Feedback..huh??
Kinda tough though.
Taking it as a feedback and going to strive for the person again?Trying to endure?
Sometimes there's just no point cz some people just wont understand what your worth is and afterall why make them atall?
Keeping all this aside,t'was a completely evocating post for me.Reminded me of a fren I lost long back.I still love her but cant have her,dont wanna have her.We're better this way.
Thanx.

starry nights said...

good thought but I dont think it can be taken as a feedback in all situations.sometimes rejection is so bad that it has taken lives.It is not easy to accept rejection.

My Bubble Life said...

Great post. Someone once told me that the way people treat me is the way that I treat people. This isn't always the case; however, using the feedback of their actions is really helpful.

I also like the way that you ask yourself questions about their actions. If you ask positive questions, then, you evaluate the situation as a problem to solve.

Anand said...

well,
Rejection to me is nothing but a form of feedback..sometimes life rejects u and sometimes people...either ways its always a learning process...its upto us to use the feedback and grow!

The Artist said...

Really enjoyed your site, best wishes, The Artist

Belle said...

i LOVE this: "If you reframe rejection
to mean feedback"!!

I really enjoy your posts..thanks :)

Queenzy said...

Hi Christabelle,
The new look of your blog is great and attracts visits.
Am glad ur blog is movin on well.

Just to let u know I came by.
I will send ya a mail later

christabelle said...

yes Darius I agree with u, u dnt hv to worry abt it when pple hv a negative attitude abt u for no reason, but 1st u must analyse urself and the situation and come to the conclusion that the attitude is 4 no just reason, u see thats where the feedback comes in.

u're welcome keshigirl.

thats rite Ekta, maturity is really important if we want to improve ourselves.

sammuru, thks dearie.

Cindy, yeah its tough believe me, I know. abt ur friend, aw! I'm sorry.

starry nites, yeah its hard to accept rejection but we have to make up our mind if we want to improve ourselves.

thks my bubble life 4 stopping by, and if we view rejection as a problem that needs to be solved then it will make it easier to accpt.

Anand, I totally agree with u, thats what I think 2.
Hey, welcome back, hpe u had a nice time.

thks so much to the artist, its a pleasure to hv u here 2.

thks belle.

Queenzy, yeah, thks to you and thks 4 stopping by 2, waiting 4 da mail girl.
hope ure ok.

Orikinla Osinachi. said...

Most writers are used to the almighty Rejection Slip from publishers until the Internet broke the back of the camel. Now everybody can ride.

Rejections come with different meanings depending on the circumstances.

Some of the most painful rejections are rejection of love proposals and rejections of employment.

But I have always advised people to be honest and transparent and not to idolize any possession. For all vanities will perish. Even the vanities of love affairs.

If one is rejected, the person should turn to God who can turn all mistakes into miracles and makes all things possible.

Because, I have seen an Indian woman who was rejected for seven years, but was accepted when she thought it was hopeless.

She wanted to commit suicide, and no human was there to stop her. It was our redeemer Jesus Christ himself who intervened and stopped her from suicide and saved her life and promised her that the man would become her husband. And God did not disappoint her. The man later came for her and they are happily married today.

Our faith is our strength in ovewrcoming rejections.

May God help us all.