Thursday, August 17, 2006

Do you ever wake up some mornings and
feel annoyed, sad, irritated, depressed
infact mad with whole wide world and yet
you don't know why you're feeling like that.
I DO... Sometimes I hate myself.

16 comments:

Belle said...

that was short yet profound. well i would think its a good thing that you've been able to identify whatever it is, so you can work on it... but hate is a strong word-- and i pray those feelings go away...

Heidi said...

{{{{{ Christabelle}}}} hugs

Feel better soon.

Ekta said...

ooh!
i know that feeling...its a terrible one!...especially when u dont know why u feel that way!...urrgghhh hate it!

zaiprincesa said...

sometimes life throws us curves just to test our faith. Just pray about it and be strong...

dr_bristow said...

Aww...yeah I have felt that way before...I'll be praying for you!

samuru999 said...

I can say that I might wake up annoyed, but never mad at the whole world... or hate myself!
You are beautiful...
Don't hate all that wonder and beauty!
I am sending you many Huggggggggz!
-Margie:)

T. Suzanne Eller said...

I'm reading a very cool book right now called Mind Games by Matthew Paul Turner. I think you'd love reading it. It has so much insight on these types of battles.

You stopped by my site the other day (momiwant2be.blogspot.com) and I want to thank you for coming by. Love your blog,

Suzanne Eller

Darius said...

No, or almost never, although a lot of people do. I've just never been much prone to mood swings for no known reason.

On the other hand, I suspect I was clinically depressed for several years from my late teens until age 23. Guess I got it all at once!

People are complicated...

anandmukati said...

Its a normal feeling..guess we all go thru it...and then it just passes away

christabelle said...

Belle: thats true, hate is a strong word, but that was exactly how I felt at that time, I'm okay now and I believe that I'll be able one day to handle it beta than I'm doing rite now, thks so much.

Heidi: hugggggs, u know they hve a way of easing pain, thks, I'm sure beta.

Ekta: thats so true , I really hate that feeling, u see I'm the type that likes to be happy, to put a smile on my face even when I'm hurting inside so when I wake up with this feeling, I feel like someone else, someone I hate, no thats a strong word, someone I simply dislike.

Zaiprincess: thank you so much, actually I started feeling beta after I prayed about it, I asked God to take it away and guess what? He did!!

Ianeycakes: thks for stopping by and yes ur prayers are answered, I'm ok, I've realised that I have the power to control the way I feel, even on such bad days I can choose to be happy, I think I'm going to write a post on that. thks dear.


Margie: hm, its funny but thats exactly what I told myself, I'm too beautiful to hate myself, hehehe!. huggggggs dear.

Suzanne: yes I remember, ur site was cool,thks for stopping by. I 'll look for the book.
Thank you.

Darius: good for you, I wish I had mine all at once too, but as far back as I can remember I've always had mood swings, especially during my teens, but I dont understand again I mean I'm no longer a teenager so why should I still hv mood swings, oh yeah, pple r complicated.hm.

Anandmukati: thks for telling me that, I was almost thinking something's wrong with me. thks for stopping by too.

Thks Pals for all your kind words, I'm not really on top moods but I'm smiling again, now thats important for me, becos even when I'm not happy, I like pple around me to be and somehow I feel my smiles bring a lot of sunshine on pple around me, hehehe! sunshine smile, ever heard of that?

Orikinla Osinachi. said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Belle said...

Chris, you rock!

Orikinla Osinachi. said...

I have visited your blog twice today and read some of your previous posts all over again. And I just feel like telling you, "I love you".

Millions of people in Nigeria, the youths in particular will need your "Commonground" as a readers companion. And most of them cannot afford the luxury to be online to read you. The millions of Nigerian girls and boys in dire need of role models. And you know how much we need positive honest to God and transparent role-models in Nigeria.

Dr. Dora Akunyili should be writing books or be online, but she is not doing so. And there are only a few good women in Nigeria. Most of the so called Nigerian celebrities are Internet illiterates and careless for the upliftment of the poor and needy. And if you really want to know the heart and soul of these people, go and see how they treat their employees at home and at work. So, we need real and true humanitarians in Nigeria.

No matter what you are going through, please smile. Let me not bore you again with the nightmares of when I was a refugee child and watched as the corpse of my uncle was set ablaze by our enemies and hung on a short pole in the village square and I still see the horrifying and terrifying spectacle in my nightmares or when I had to search the mortuaries of General Hospitals in Lagos for the corpse of my beloved mother and how I climbed from the ground floor of the horrible and terrible mortuary of Lagos General Hospital to the third floor to make sure that my mother's corpse was well kept until the time for her burial and for weeks I saw piles of abandoned corpses decaying daily. I was there when my mother was been embalmed with other corpses waiting for their turns. I was also the only one with the pathologist during the autopsy of my father and his embalmment. And even left alone to carry him and put him into the cheap wooden coffin until two mortuary attendants helped me. And this happened when I was only 20. If I continue, many readers would be wondering if I want to make them sick. No. I want to tell others that if I can survive the horrors of one of the bloodiest civil wars in Africa, terrible accidents and other tragedies and I can still smile and love shamelessly, then you too can smile and others can smile.

Read Romans 8 of the Holy Bible.

N.B:
Because, I quote the Holy Bible does not mean if I see you tomorrow and you look so pretty and sexy, I should pretend that I don't find you sexually desirable. I will express my feelings intoto. For I have the right to my freedom of expression even the expression of my wonderful erection as I wake up every morning. Gosh!

Do you know that I still wonder how anointed men of God like Pastors William Folorunsho Kumuyi and Enoch Adejare Adeboye still pray and God answers them to perform awesome miracles with signs and wonders after they must have had some steamy hot sexual sessions with their wives? How do they feel as they ejaculate and their wives come in orgasm?

This is why I love God.
There is no human thought or act that surprises God.

Just smile and imagine you are happily married and your husband is making love to you.

God bless.

LondonBuki said...

Hope you feel better dear :-)

Keshi said...

Chris big hugggggggz first!

well yeah...I feel like that most of the time...and I dunno why either. But somehow I find something to pick me up and make me smile.

so tc and always knows that there r alot of ppl like u all over the world, feeling the same way.

Keshi.

christabelle said...

Belle: ha, say it again!

Osinachi: thank you very much for the kind words, and I'm sorry for all you had to go thru, guess that made you a strong person that you are today.
But please I like to keep it CLEAN here. I dnt want all that s*x talk. There are a lot of kids I know who are reading my blog.

Buki: Oh yes I am. thks.

Keshigirl: thats good to hear, thks dear. hugggggs from Africa.